***Charles***
...
I lay awake all night watching her sleep in my arms.
Even when the moon starts to fade, and the day swallows the night, my eyes never leaves her sleeping form.
I'm extremely tired. I haven't been sleeping lately.
Everytime I sleep, that woman I loved appears in my dreams.
In the arms of another man.
It makes me sick.
So I don't sleep.
But here with this girl, my body relaxes, and the tension eases out of my shoulders.
I feel... almost at peace.
I think if I sleep this time, I won't have the same dream again.
Maybe this girl can chase away the bad dreams.
But I'm afraid to sleep now, because what if I wake up and she's not there?
What if I scared her off and she runs away from me?
No matter what, I have to keep her with me.
Her presence stops me from going crazy.
I feel less angry when I'm with her.
This girl, can she save me?
She looks so fragile and vulnerable.
She fits right in my arms and I hold her tighter.
Her tears have long dried but her eyebrows still frowns, as if she's having a nightmare.
I reach out and touch her eyebrows, smoothing the frown lines.
Her silk of red hair spills over my shoulder, basking me in her warmth.
How I miss this... this body heat.
I've been cold for so long, I can't remember what it feels like to be warm again.
I never had a mother's hug nor any love from my father.
Ever since I was a child, I can't remember what it's like to be warm.
It was why when I met that girl in college, and became her boyfriend, I truly cherished her.
Because she was the first person who heated up my bed and made me feel warmth for the first time.
Trying not to think about her, I look at the girl lying next to me instead.
Her full lips matches a pale shade of her hair.
I trace her lips with my thumb, marveling at how soft they are.
I wonder how she would taste like if I kiss her.
But I made a vow last night that I won't frighten her anymore.
How could I ever think to hurt this woman?
She's so fragile it's like she can crumble in my hands.
Last night, I wanted to hurt her.
My mind was clouded with anger, and my soul went insane from the bitterness of my heart.
I wanted to hurt her so I could hurt less.
But when I saw her break with my hands, my heart jolted in horror.
As her tears trailed down her cheeks, my heart wept with her.
For the first time, I forgot about my anger.
Hurting her didn't make me feel better.
In fact, I felt worse.
There is only regret. And the guilt.
How could I hurt this beautiful creature?
I knew when I touched her, she wasn't a whore.
She's too pure. I see them in her eyes.
And I saw myself reflected in her eyes. A monster.
I let her sleep despite morning.
Reluctantly, I slip away from the bed to shower. And I miss her warmth immediately.
There's a knock on the door before one of the maids enters my room, pushing a cart of breakfast.
She looks at me appreciatively as she trace my body with her eyes.
I'm only wearing a towel around my waist and my hair is wet from the shower.
I know I look good, and girls seems to love this body.
But what's the point of being handsome when I can't make the girl I liked to fall in love with me?
The maid turns and sees the woman in my bed and squeaks.
She looks at me and then at the woman in my bed, her eyes widening in horror.
I can feel the thoughts forming in her head.
"Leave," I say.
I don't have to repeat it twice. She flees from my room.
I sigh. This is troublesome. Now she knows Kai spent the night in my bed and a rumour would surely fly like a virus in the air.
Dammit.
I dont give a shit what they say about me but I'm worried she would get hurt instead.
I get dressed quickly to meet my father in his study.
There's a party tonight and my father invited all the rich aristocrats and some members of the parliament.
I know many will be bringing their daughters in hope to capture my heart.
I dont look forward for that. I detest women who only eyes me as a trophy.
Too bad my heart is already broken.