***Kai***
…
Charles doesn't say anything on the way back home but I can
feel his eyes on me.
Watching me. This time, I hate it. I just want to disappear.
I don't want him to see me at all.
I'm no angel. I'm a sinner. I have paid for the price of my
sin. And I'm still paying for it now.
I was lucky that the nightclub would take me in despite my
criminal record.
It was a good thing the owner of the club is a gangster
himself…
I couldn't get any other jobs. My options were limited after
having a criminal record.
I was no longer a 'citizen'. They treated me like a
dangerous animal who might harm the society.
I rest my head against the window, looking out at the
passing trees.
It's over now…
As soon as he pulls the car into the garage, I leap out of
the car and walk to my room.
I hear Charles echoing footsteps behind me but I don't turn
around.
As soon as I enter my room, I quickly throw my things into
my suitcase.
“What the hell are you doing?” I hear Charles ask me but I
still don't face him.
“Packing.”
“Why the fuck are you packing?”
I don't answer.
“Kai look at me.”
I continue stuffing my suitcase.
“Look at me!” he says more angrily and I whip my face to
him.
“What? You heard what she said. You know what I am now. A
criminal. How can I stay? It's best for me to leave and I promise you I will
pay back the money once I have it.”
“Fuck, that's not what I mean. Stop jumping to the
conclusion so quickly.”
“Then what do you want from me, Charles? What do you want me
to say?” I throw my arms in the air.
“What she said, explain that to me.”
“There's nothing to explain. What she said is the truth,
okay? I told you. I'm not… good.”
“I asked what the fuck happened!” he roars at me.
I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. I'm glad
for the anger. It stops me from crying.
“Okay, you want to know what happened? Fine, I'll tell you.
They came to take our house away. These people. They came to take everything
away and leave us on the streets.
I couldn't let that happen. I tried to stop them. I wouldn't
let them take any of our parent's things.
So to make me stop, this guy beat my little brother up. He
was already sick at that time and he was screaming in pain.”
My voice shakes, my lips trembling.
“Lucas called for me, to make it stop. I tried but he was
stronger than me, so I did what I could do. I picked a rock and hit him hard on
the head.
He got sent to the hospital for internal bleeding in his
brain and I got locked up. Are you satisfied? Now let me go.”
I pull the suitcase with me and try to step through the door
but Charles blocks me with his body.
“I didn't ask you to leave.”
“Which guy in a right mind would want to have me around?” I
snap.
“Stay,” he says.
I shake my head. There's no way I'm staying now. I can't even
bear to face him. I feel so humiliated and knowing he knows my secret, makes it
worse.
At least in front of him, I want to look like a good person.
But now he knows the truth about me.
All the dirty ugly truth. How can he wants me to stay? Even
I hate myself.
I just want to crawl into a hole and hide.
I'm not a good person. I might ruin him if I stay.
I pull my suitcase and walks around him towards the door.
Charles grabs my shoulders. “Are you deaf? I'm telling you
to stay.”
“Haven't you been listening?” I shout.
“Do you think I give a shit about what you did in the past?”
“You should give a shit about that. Why wouldn't you care?”
“Because I love you, you crazy bitch!” he yells.
I stop struggling. My eyes widens in surprise, before tears
falls down my cheeks.
“Look up and see me, Kai.” he says more gently now. “Don't
go. I love you.”
I desperately want to turn around and run into his arms.
Charles just admits he loves me.
But he's someone with a bright future. He comes from a
reputable family and being with me would only bring him down.
What would others say if they find out his girlfriend is a
criminal?
They would condemn him.
“I'm not good for you,” I whisper.
“And I'm not good for you either. I'm not some prince
Charming riding on a white horse.
I'm fucked up, short-tempered and I can be a real bastard
sometimes. But I still want you. You make me want to do better, and I will, for
you.”
I laugh. “Then we both are really fucked-up, aren't we?”
“Of course, we're not two perfect souls like the characters
from Disney movies. I can't promise you that we'll be happy. We'll fight a lot
and there'll be drama and shit.”
Charles tips my chin with his hand.
“But I want that with you. Because you fit right in here,
woman.” He slaps his chest. “You're right. Maybe I didn't love her at all. But
I do love you.
I bared my fucking soul to you and you know my good and my
bad. There's no barriers between us now.”
“But I can't stay.” I shake my head.
“Are you going to destroy my heart again? Are you going to
be like her, and break my heart into fucking pieces. Are you going to kill me
this time?”
“I can't be with you!” I shout. The world blurs with my
tears. “You are the only good thing in my life after it's gone to hell. But I
committed a crime, Charles.
I'm not worthy to be with you. I wish I can be a normal girl
who loves you but I'm someone with a lot of baggage on my shoulders.”
Charles cups my face and wipe my tears with his thumb.
“I have never believed you did the wrong thing. You did it
to save your brother.
You did it because you love him. It wasn't your fault. You
are the kindest and the bravest person I've ever known. Don't go. I need you.”
Charles wraps his arms around me and I cling to him, burying
my face on his chest.
He holds me as I cry. He becomes my rock and my anchor, and
I cling to him hard to stop myself being swept by the waves.
“Young Master. Miss Kai.” A voice calls out from the
doorway.
I turn to find the old butler looking at us anxiously.
“What's the matter, Harry?” Charles asks, his arms around me.
“The hospital called. It's-it's Miss Kai's brother. He
collapsed.”
…
As soon as we reach the hospital, I run immediately towards
my brother's ward.
I pray over and over as I run across the halls, my heart
panicking so much I think it would burst.
Please, let him be okay. God, take me instead. Just leave
him alone.
The ward is already full of doctors as I reach his room.
“Lucas,” I say in a panicked terror.
My brother is unmoving on the bed, looking still as death.
He has an oxygen mask on his mouth as the doctors continues trying to revive
him.
My world turns dark as I hear the heart monitor.
It doesn't beat. Its sound is continuous like one of those
cancelled programmes on tv.
I know Charles's hand is in mine but I can barely feel it.
My eyes are trained on the little boy on the bed.
Please, please. Let it be me instead. Just don't take him.
The doctor comes towards me and shakes his head.
“I'm sorry. We did our best but… there's nothing we can do
now.”
I hear someone say in the background. Time of death, 6.03pm.
My ears are ringing so loud. Noisy, this world is too noisy.
“Impossible.” I hear myself say.
“I'm sorry.”
I look up to him and fist his white coat with my hands.
“I gave you the money to treat my brother. You have the
money to treat him. He should be fine! I did everything you asked me to do.”
“We tried our best. But he couldn't respond to the
treatments. Even with the surgery, it only prolonged his life for a couple more
hours.”
I see one of the nurses places a white cloth over his face.
“No, what are you doing?!”
I rush towards the bed and takes the white cloth off.
They're covering my brother's face.
My body shakes with grief as I look at my brother. He looks
like he's sleeping.
Someone had taken off the oxygen mask. I stroke his cheek,
my hands crave to touch him.
I place my finger under his nose but I can't feel any air.
He doesn't breathe.
My heart crumbles.
Now, I have no one.
My world is nothing.